I could blame it on
my past. Yeah, that would be the easy route. After a life where bad things
happened that I couldn't control because I was too young and too weak
to stop them, I need to be in control now.
That sounds too easy though. I could blame it on the war. Another thing
that swept me up and controlled me and maybe somehow warped me.
I don't think that's it either. I think it's just me.
It's my kink, my need, my trip... I never take it too far. I have my career
to think of after all. If any of this side-life of mine got back to HQ,
they would have to get rid of me. So I never go as far as I want to.
I'm standing here now, in this dark smoky club, hair in a ponytail rather
than my braid, a mask shielding my face, listening to the buzz of the
crowd, smelling the stale air and all the scents that drift on it in a
place like this.
I don't really like being here, but it's the only place I could find that
would let me indulge. So I wait patiently for my cue.
The routine is familiar, the submission, the demonstration of certain
things for the audience... this group is mostly tourists. It's kind of
fun to listen to them whisper in horrified tones even as their eyes avidly
watch the show.
Our lady's hand gestures for me and I go to do my part. I bind her sub
carefully, not needing any direction, doing my job... Later I'll relive
this over in my bed and take the time I need to enjoy it, but not here
and now. That's not my place nor is it my purpose here.
Yes, I just tie them up. That's all. No more. I don't get off on any of
the rest. I wouldn't have sex with any of them- not that they aren't nice
people... our lady works in a nursing home in her day job, but I can't
let someone that close to me. Personal ties like that are dangerous and
I'm not in to casual fucking.
Maybe that's why I like to do it- tied down, no one can get closer than
I want them to be.
The show runs through to its usual finish- my job complete; I push my
way through the crowd and outside. I pause in the alley to pull off my
mask and tuck my hair up under a cap. With my jacket zipped tight, I'm
just another guy on his way home. Nothing to see here folks...
I step out of the alley, turning right, setting a fast pace. I want to
There's only a step or two to alert me before someone falls into step
"Late night Duo?"
"What are you doing down in this area Heero?" Where the hell did he come
from? This wasn't the type of place where I expected to run into my partner.
Did he have some secret fetish too? That made me grin in spite of myself.
Heero was not that kind of guy...
"I was waiting for you to finish." Heero isn't looking at me, so
I don't think he saw my jaw drop to the ground. "Interesting performance."
"What the hell were you doing there?"
"Une sent me."
"WHAT?" Oh, this was it. I was so fired. Damn it.
"She caught your show a few nights ago."
I stop dead in my tracks. Une had been there?
Heero stops too, turning to look at me. To my surprise, he smiles. "It
was a girls night out party- nothing like you're thinking." Oh whew, for
some reason that relieves me. "She called me into her office yesterday
and asked me to talk to you."
He reaches out and grabs my arm, pulling me along with him as he starts
"What do you think? You can't keep working there Duo- if word gets out
that 02, one of our best and brightest agents is working in a..."
"I know, I know..." I snap at him, irritated. "Is she going to fire me?"
Heero shakes his head. "'Best and brightest' were her words. She doesn't
want to lose you. She just wants you to be reasonable. She recognized
you-" I see his eyes move up to the cap that covers my hair.
Yeah, I know it makes it obvious, but hell if I'm going to cut it.
"So others could too." I nod. "Okay, I'll quit."
"Can you?" He gives me an odd look.
I laugh at him. "It's not like I'm under contract Heero..."
"That's not what I meant. Can you give it up?" He's looking straight ahead,
It takes me a minute to get what he's saying. "I'm not a sex addict, Heero."
"I didn't say you were." He shakes his head, and I can see I'm frustrating
him. "Look, would you say that it's something that you need to
That makes me pause. Can I give it up?
It doesn't matter. I have to, that's all. I tell Heero this and he frowns.
"Can't you ask one of those people you date to do this for you?"
"Heero, first off I don't date anyone. I have a lot of friends, yeah,
but that's all. Secondly I'm not going to ask one of my friends: ‘hey,
can I tie you up?'" I grin. "Can you imagine Chang's reaction if I did
That makes him smile. It is a funny picture.
My smile drops off my face in sheer shock at his next comment though.
"I'll do it for you."
I'm sure I didn't hear him right. Heero Yuy did not just volunteer to
let me... no. No way.
"I don't mind and that way you won't be tempted to go back to work down
Okay, he did volunteer. I blink wondering if I've somehow wandered into
an alternative reality. Or maybe I'm dreaming? "You'd let me...
"You are my partner and I don't want to lose you. So, if you need to do
this, I'll let you do it to me."
"You'll let me tie you up." I say, just to make sure.
"Yes." I study him for a moment, his _expression is calm and his eyes
meet mine without a flicker. He is serious about this...
The image of Heero bound and at my feet slips in front of my mind's eye
and I have to take a deep breath. Not because it's an unfamiliar image-it's
one of my favorites... but because it seems to be suddenly within my reach.
And if I did have Heero that way...
"No." I shake my head and walk faster. Heero keeps even pace with me.
"Heero, don't be stupid. Look, I may only tie people up in the club, but
if I had someone to myself... " If I had you to myself...
"I wouldn't just want to tie them up. I'd want to do—other things." That
ought to scare him off.
"I realize that. My offer is still open." He doesn't even blush.
So he'd let me... I don't understand this at all.
I grasp for another straw. "Wouldn't it change the dynamics of our working
partnership?" I like that reason, right out of the Preventers manual.
"No." I wait for a moment, but that's it.
"I have an idea about that." He stops. "My car is over there. Let me drive
I usually walk up to the bus station in the better part of town and get
home that way. A car ride would be nicer, I tell myself, that's why I'm
taking Heero up on his offer. Not so he can persuade me to do this. Really.
"Didn't want to park your baby down by the club?" I ask as I belt myself
in. Maybe I can change the subject.
"Not really." He shrugs as he starts the engine. "No offense Duo, but
that's not the best area of town. Plus, I knew you would walk for a while
and I thought that was the best way to talk to you."
"You knew?" Then it hits me. Une talked to him about this yesterday. I
was at the club yesterday night- Heero must've been there too. "You watched
for two nights?"
"Intelligence is essential to a mission."
"So getting me to tie you up is a mission?" So that's how he's thinking
of this—a mission. I'm not sure I like this.
"No. Getting you to work out your needs with someone safe is my mission."
"So if we could find someone else, it would be better?"
He shrugs. "You yourself said you aren't dating anyone. I know about your
need and I'm willing to help you. I‘m not sure why you haven't agreed
yet. The situation is optimal."
"Because it's you."
He raises an eyebrow. "What does that mean?"
"You're my partner- and my best friend. It doesn't..." I stumble over
the explanation and he manages another thrust.
"Who better to help you? Don't you trust me?"
"You know I do." I shake my head. "But Heero- what do you get out
He frowns. "You get to keep your job and I get to keep my partner. Isn't
It doesn't seem like it to me. I cross my arms and look out the window.
How do I explain to Heero that this situation- though tempting as all
hell- is not going to work for me?
I hear him blow out a breath. "Duo- would it help if I asked you to help
me in a similar way?"
"Similar way?" I repeat. Heero doesn't... no.
"There is something I need to do- not like you- differently. I need someone
I trust to do it as well..." Now he's flushing.
Why does this make me feel better?
"An exchange of services?"
I consider this. It would mean letting Heero do something to me I might
not be comfortable with- but then again, this is Heero. He has been my
partner for years. I trust him.
And I want him badly.
So maybe his need gave me the justification. Maybe it made it fair. Maybe
I just decided that if Heero needed something that way, I wanted to be
the one to provide it.
I see him smile in relief, his Duo-is-being-reasonable-finally smile and
nearly laugh. I realize that I'm relieved too- and I wonder why.
I don't have time to speculate.
"So, what do you need for this?"
Huh? "What do I need?"
Oh I see, we're approaching this like a mission.
"I'm... not sure. Where are we doing this?"
"I have a spare room in my house. I think it would be better to use that
rather than your apartment."
It's easier to talk about it like this, like it's a mission we have to
accomplish and nothing more. By the time Heero drops me off at my place,
we have a list and a plan for the room.
As I wave goodbye to him, I wonder what the hell I've done.
Two weeks pass. I don't go to the club. I do call Our Lady and explain
my circumstances. She expresses her concerns over losing me, but understands.
Heero tells me a few days after our talk that he has things ready when
I need them. That makes me feel bad- shouldn't I have helped out?
He brushes off my concerns. He had a free weekend, I didn't- no problem.
So, all I need to do is tell him that I'm ready. That my need kicked in...
Of course, in these last two weeks it has kicked in. I hadn't realized
how much I needed to have that control... but still, I can't help but
wonder what it will do to our partnership- what it will do to me...
I also wonder what the hell I will do to Heero. Like I said- I've never
actually gone beyond the tying up. I told him during that listing of supplies
in the car that I didn't know what I would want to do next... beat him?
Fuck him? Just look at him?
I didn't put it exactly that way to Heero, but he said that he'd be prepared
But I'm worried. What will I do when I have the culmination of my fantasies
at my feet?
So I do nothing.
Heero, I realize, is not so patient. One afternoon as we're working in
our office, he stops typing and looks at me, eyebrow raised.
"What?" His gaze moves pointedly to my hands. I look down. As I've
read through the file on my desk, I have twisted my braid around my wrists
I hastily untangle them.
"I'll expect you at 7 tonight." He says and turns back to his work.
Needless to say, I get nothing done the rest of the day.
I'm at his doorstep
at 7 though, wondering what I've gotten myself into, but the need is strong...
Heero lets me in with a smile, takes my coat, no different that any other
time I've come over.
This time though, I follow him down the hallway, stop at a closed door.
"I have an idea to make this easier for us." He says. "Give me five minutes
before you come in. Okay?"
"Heero- are you sure about this?"
He meets my eyes. "Yes. Once you are in there you can do anything you
want. Anything. Is that clear? And what goes on in this room, stays in
So that's how we're going to work around the partnership/best friend thing.
It might just work. That realization calms me a little and I nod.
He slips into the room and I'm left staring at the cream colored walls.
I wonder- what will Heero have me do to pay for this tonight?
I think about leaving, slipping out of his house... but I need too badly
and I can't go back to the club. I need my job...
So I wait, and count off the minutes in my head.
Then I open the door.
I've been in this room before. It's Heero's spare bedroom. It had a small
bed and a desk. They're both gone.
It now has a bed with wrought iron posts- similar to the posts we use
in the club, but nothing so unusual that if someone else walked in they'd
know what someone could use that frame for.
The desk has been replaced by a table. There are lots of things on that
table... where did Heero find all this stuff? I can't see him going into
a store... but he would go online... ah.
Heero is at the foot of the bed, by one of the posts, sitting on the floor...
and he's not wearing anything except a blindfold.
I let my breath out and relax. Don't ask me why, but the blindfold will
make this easier on me... maybe on him too. Maybe he can imagine I'm someone
else. I will be able to do this without those knowing eyes of his watching
I go to the table, pick up the length of soft rope that is waiting for
It's almost automatic then, I have done this before, after all... so many
times... in reality- and in my fantasies.
His arms go above his head, tied to the post. The rope wraps around his
body- is passed around his knees, spreading them wide, his ankles are
bound to his thighs...
I take my time, enjoying it as I always do- but even more because this
is Heero in my ropes, allowing me to do this to him, letting himself be
placed at my mercy... It's a heady, delicious feeling...
And when I'm finished, I step back, standing up to look at him spread
at my feet. He's bound securely, every breath he takes will make the rope
slide against his skin... and he is obviously aroused...
It's hard to catch my breath for a moment.
I look over at the table... the devices for stimulating pain, the others
for stimulating pleasure, some used for both- what do I want to use? All?
The vision of Heero tied up at my feet, helpless, mine-- is stimulating
enough for me.
I look back down, entranced, and see the line of his mouth twitch a bit.
Heero's mouth is always firm- smiling or frowning. Nothing can break that
control of his- but I see a crack in it now.
I kneel down beside him and slide a hand over his thigh. His body tightens,
he inhales sharply and that corner of his mouth twitches again.
I realize then what I want. I get to my feet; fetch the things that I
need from the table. I want to break that control. I want Heero to give
it to me.
And he does.
When I finish with him, he's panting, moaning, twisting against the ropes,
body shaking with the pleasure I've given him.
I get to my feet, and go into the bathroom. I wash quickly; bring a towel
out to clean Heero up with as well. Then I free him of everything except
the blindfold. I leave him as I found him, sitting at the foot of the
bed, blindfold in place.
I go back out to Heero's living room and perch on his couch. I've been
here hundreds of times. Heero's living room is as comfortable and familiar
as my own.
I washed, but I can still smell Heero's scent in my hair, taste him in
What do we do now? I know Heero said that whatever we do it stays in that
room- but after...
My thoughts are interrupted as Heero joins me, smiling, calm, looking
as he always does. "Are you hungry? Should we call for pizza?"
That again is comfortable and familiar. We've done this lots of times.
"Sure," my usual reply.
As we eat our pizza, ensconced on Heero's couch, watching the late show,
I realize that Heero was right. We'll be okay. What happened in that room
will stay there.
But why do I also feel disappointed?
On my way out the door, I pause and meet Heero's eyes. Fair is fair, I
"What about you?" I ask, knowing he'll know what I mean.
"I'm not really ready yet..." and a faint blush darkens his cheeks. "I'll
tell you when I am."
This worries me- what the hell does he want to do? It also panics me-
how long will I have to wait? But Heero is still talking...
"I don't want you to think we have to take turns. We don't. The room is
waiting whenever you need it. Okay?"
"Okay. Thanks." I tell him, and make my way home.
I keep going back.
At first I wait until he invites me, but after two weeks I find I can't
wait anymore. I just show up on his doorstep. He always invites me in,
always walks down the hallway with me, waits for me at the end of the
bed, blindfold in place.
I tie him up everyway I can think of. I pleasure him until he's screaming.
I use him over and over... He never complains, never tells me no, never
acts any differently towards me outside of that room. Our partnership
at work continues on the same as always, we play basketball, go to the
movies, hang out- all the other things we usually do.
He always says ‘not yet' when I ask him about his turn.
I try not to go back. I try not to need this so much. The need has never
been so strong before... and I can't get over the feeling that I'm using
my best friend.
I begin to wonder if Heero really did have a need at all, or if he just
said that to get me to agree to this.
That makes me feel guiltier.
But I still go. My need for him is stronger than anything else.
Then one night, six weeks or so after we start, I'm waiting for Heero
on the couch after a very long session in the room. It's late; I'm not
staying for the usual next part of the evening, no matter how much I enjoy
Heero walks into the room, smiling like he always does- and I notice a
faint wince when he sits down on the sofa beside me.
I realize that I've been here every night this week so far... no wonder
he's that sore...
Guilty, I hunch up on the sofa. "What is it?" Heero asks. He knows me
"I shouldn't come here so often-"
"You need to Duo. It's okay."
"No. We were going to exchange services and this has all been for me.
I can't... I'm doing this too much. It was better when I went to the club.
I could- control it easier..."
I still could control it easier- if it wasn't Heero.
Heero is staring off into space when I stutter to a stop.
"Then maybe it's time for me to take my turn."
I wonder again what Heero would want, but that doesn't matter. I owe him
no matter what it is he wants to do.
He meets my eyes. "Tomorrow night?"
I'm somewhat relieved to have a small reprieve. "Okay."
He shows me to the door, says goodnight like he always does.
The next day at work is busy and chaotic. I'm relieved that we have a
few days off after this one, especially if tonight lives up to my worst
I still show up at Heero's house at the right time. I owe him.
We walk down the hallway, but this time I'm the one who goes into the
room. The blindfold is waiting for me at the foot of the bed.
I take off my clothes, putting them in a neat stack in the corner and
pick up the blindfold.
I find I have to take a deep breath or two, my heart is racing and I need
to calm down.
The blindfold goes on, blocking my sight, and I sit at the foot of the
bed where Heero always waits for me.
I wonder what thoughts go through his head when he sits here. I wonder
if he enjoys what we do. He seems to- and I take great care not to hurt
him... what will he do to me now that I am at his mercy?
I hear the door open and close. I hear the rustle of fabric- Heero is
taking off his clothes. I keep my breathing slow and steady.
Don't panic... don't panic....
Hands touch my arms; tug me gently to my feet. I stand as I am bid and
those hands slide into my hair- undoing my braid. I have never taken it
out in this room before.
The plait is undone, my hair spread around me, and I take a small comfort
in the shelter it gives me.
His hands slide around my waist; his lips press firmly on mine.
This is familiar, and I welcome it. Heero excels at this skill, as I have
happily discovered. His mouth is more demanding this time than usual,
opening my lips instead of waiting for me to do so, tongue plunging inside
my mouth as mine often did to his.
His hands tug me along, move me slowly a step at a time. His lips leave
mine and he turns me so that my back is resting on his chest. His lips
touch my shoulder... and then I am falling. I land on the bed, sheets
sliding under my knees.
He falls after me, pressing me down on the bed and I know it's going to
My hands are lifted above my head, but he does not tie them. He simply
wraps my fingers around the headboard, encouraging me to hold on.
I tighten my grip obediently, wondering what is going to happen next...
And Heero starts to touch me.
His hands slide over my body slowly, touching every part- my shoulder
blades, the line of my spine, the back of my legs...
His mouth follows his hands, gently caressing. Slowly, carefully... a
delightful torturous sensation.
No one has ever touched me like this before. Despite everything Heero
and I have done together he has not gotten to touch me at all. I'm the
one who touches him.
Even outside this room, I am the one who initiates contact- Heero never
does. From what he's told me of his training I don't think that kind of
touching was encouraged... is that why he wants this? Or is this the prelude
to something else? Is he trying to relax me for what he is planning to
His hands find the tense knots in my back and ease them. His mouth ignites
my blood, makes me crave more of that wet, gentle touch. The warmth of
his body vanishes for a moment and then I'm flipped over to lie on my
back and his hands resume their wanderings.
His hands slide through my hair and I shiver. His mouth touches my neck,
moves down my chest...
Then his mouth is on mine again and I realize that I had bitten my lip,
suppressed my moans...
"Let me hear you," Heero murmurs against my mouth, and then he does something
with his hands that makes me gasp. "That's right..." His hands keep up
their relentless assault. "Let go..."
His mouth slides down my body, teasing and demanding and I give into him.
I free my voice and that only seems to encourage him more.
He tortures me, feathers light touches over places that burn to feel his
fingers and lips, spends time lingering in places that I had no idea would
make me scream...
When his fingers finally slide inside of me, I realize that I'm begging,
pleading with him... and I don't care. My control is gone, given to him,
as he has so often given his to me- and he's won it with his touch alone.
When his fingers slide out and he replaces them with his cock, my orgasm
shakes through me and I come right then.
"Oh yes...." I hear him hiss, and then he begins to fuck me...
No, that's wrong. That's not what this is.
Why didn't I realize it before? Only Heero could do this to me, make me
feel this way... after weeks of letting me take his control, I'm able
to surrender mine. After weeks of letting me touch him, I can allow him
to touch me.
What we have between us is more than sex, more than trust... it's something
much more powerful...
The revelation makes me tighten under his hands, and he encourages me
to take my pleasure again.
We collapse together, still joined, and I reach up and pull my blindfold
Heero meets my eyes and smiles.
"I don't want to do this again," I tell him and that smile falters. "I
don't want to hide this anymore. I want to be able to touch you outside
of this room- and have you touch me..." That sounds beyond lame, but Heero's
smile brightens again.
"That's what I need." He tells me and kisses the corner of my mouth. "That's
what I've been waiting for."
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